Check out this fantastic initiative on You Tube by noncebusterr 

This is a child safety and education channel. He aims to give children the tools to protect themselves against the perverts on Youtube and has step by step instructions to help them report. There are tons of concrete examples of the ways predatory people operate over the internet, plus he offers young people the opportunity to be part of a supportive network using You Tube. 

5 stars out of 5 

"The most violent element in society is ignorance. I believe this is the mentality that causes and perpetuates abuse."                                      Ellen Goldman

Dear Blogosphere

I couldn't agree more with the above quote!  IGNORANCE and SILENCE are a deadly combination in our so called civilised societies that have allowed perpetrators of abuse to be safe, feel safe, and go undetected or unaccountable for their acts of abuse.  The perpetrators of abuse I am thinking of in this context and this moment  - are pedophiles themselves and any adults who cover for them whilst the child is left unaided to muddle through the confusion of sexual abuse. 

Recently, I received a phone call from a well meaning family member whose comment aggravated me to the core when she expressed, "we wish you could get over it (molested & raped at age 7) &  move forward with your life."    I wasn't aware that I wasn't going forward - but to this person - me raising issues or making comments about anything to do with my experience of sexual abuse as a child - means that I am stuck, and not going forward.   For most of my life I have been silent and felt silenced from telling or talking about being sexually abused by an uncle. 

These comments clearly show that this family member still cannot deal with their own shame of doing nothing to protect me whilst knowing acts of abuse had occurred.  Sadly.., this family member is my mother.  To this day she still tries to protect the family name from the shame of such acts by trying to silence me and allowing others to live in ignorance.  Living in silence is something I can no longer do.

It is only recently (thirty five years after being raped as a child) that I have finally come to understand and fully accept - this once favorite uncle of mine, Tau Paa Paa (pronounced Pa'apa'a) - lived and died a paedophile and that I did not deserve to be violated.  From age 7, I was allowed to think that if I had been a different kind of girl (a better girl, a stronger girl, and not silly lili...) the sexual assault  would not have occured.  A sad thing is that up until recently,  I too made excuses for my abuser because that was what was easier to believe - that "it probably wouldn't have happened if he hadn't been drunk."

Over the years various family members and relatives have celebrated this man's matai status, talked about his wrestling, his quick temper, his alcoholism, how he cracked a formica dining table in two with one fist smashing down on it, or his acts of kindness toward them,  but nobody and I mean not-one-person, wanted to discuss or acknowledge (other than fleeting meaningless comments) Tau Pa'apa'a  as a child molester!  I can only guess it makes them too uncomfortable, I guess the old adage 'ignorance is bliss' really works for anyone not wanting to deal with life's hard issues or wanting to hide pedophiles within their family from the broader community. This may hide the family shame of such acts of betrayal & trust but it places other family members and children in the community at high risk to being the next victim.

Now, as a survivor and advocate against child abuse, I know keeping quiet about child sexual abuse or any forms of abuse, helps nobody, and in fact allows perpetrators freedom they no longer deserve.  I still haven't worked out how to stop the pain and hurt that adult family, my family, all failed me as a child and continue to do so through fear of shaming the family name. 

Now as an Adult, I am over being quiet about my child abuse, rape and other forms of abuse.  I am not pretending anymore that all is well - for relatives or anyone else.  I am glad to be over this culture of denial which demands I deny the horror of rape and remain silent.   Keeping my silence has meant  I have functioned most of my life as a wounded spirit.   I now place my healing in living out my truth and moving a thousand miles away from considering the comfort zones of those who fail to keep children safe. I am also not apologising for loving the strength I now have to speak out.  I finally, wholeheartedly, celebrate my survival as a human be-ing.   I am very passionate about education, information and Australian and global organisations like ASCA - Advocates for Survivors of Child Abuse and BRAVEHEARTS - who support survivors by acknowledging the horrible trauma of abuse, understanding the life long effects and supporting survivors to help break the silence!  

For those who truly care, if we are to envisage a world free of child abuse, and accept the possibilities of building such a world - we must first look within our own backyards.  A truthful environment, free of chaos and lies, is the only healing place for survivors of child abuse.  We must be prepared to step up to stamp out and identify abuse/abusers, so we can step forward with strides of honesty and open-ness toward meaningful cultural/social change and creating a safer world for all children and future generations. 

From my soapbox,

With love & hope for a world without child abuse, Lili Tuwai

PS. My book 'the heArt of my reVersing,' - a redemption song through original poems and short stories in verse, is available online through Amazon.com and Lulu.com